Do you ever feel like a fraud—like you’re the only Mom who doesn’t have her stuff together? Or you’re one Baby Shark replay away from absolutely losing it? Is your motto “Fake it ‘til you make it!”? I often look around and wonder how all of these women know exactly what to do and I cannot get my 2-year-old to put on pants! I’m a fraud! I’m an impostor! I’m not cut out for this job and never will be! Why on earth am I a Mom?!
You’re not alone—you’re likely feeling the effects of the impostor syndrome. The impostor syndrome can affect almost every one. It’s a feeling of self-doubt. Being insecure about who you are and what you bring to the table. Feeling like everyone knows what they are doing better than you. It’s also a fear that people will find out and judge you for not knowing what you’re doing.
I’ve Been There
Early in my career I felt the impostor syndrome—I was 27 years old trying to tell teachers who have been teaching for more years than I was alive what to do. I was 5 years out of college talking to undergraduate students and expecting that they listened to what I had to say and take me serious. But I soon got over it. I was reassured by people but mostly I matured and grew more confident in myself in general.
However, the imposter syndrome was back in 2016—I was a new mom. I know no one knows what they are doing. I know everyone struggles. I know every woman has no idea why their infant is crying sometimes (or all of the time). I know toddlers are sent to test every ounce of patience. I know all of these things. But I was an impostor. EVERY other mom had her stuff together except me. EVERY other mom could hear the baby cry and know immediately what was wrong. EVERY other mom could calmly talk to their crazed two-year-old and get them to agree again. I think moms really get the brunt of feeling like an impostor. I’m not sure my husband has ever had as much self-doubt about things as I have (for many reasons good and bad I suppose).
Here are some tips to help you overcome these feelings.
- First and most important, know you’re not alone—you’re not the only one navigating feeling lost, overwhelmed, and like every decision you make is the wrong one.
- Get a tribe! Find people you can relate to. As I’ve gotten older, I have fewer friends, but my friendships are deeper. I also have friends for different purposes. Find the people in your life who support you and make you better. Find people that will celebrate with you in the good times and pick you up when you stumbled a little.
- Fake it ‘til you make it. I’m just going to keep this one up there—I’m going to keep just making things up as I go. But I also know that sometimes I’m going to fall flat on my face but it’ll be fine.
- Know that your kids love you—flaws and all! I’m sure my mom was a hot mess (just like I am now!) but when I think back to my childhood, I don’t think about the day my Mom forgot my lunch, didn’t let the dog out, bought store bought treats for the classroom party, and took us through the drive through for dinner because she had a crazy day. I think about my mom who would take me to dance because I loved it. A mom who was at every single track meet even though I would run for a total of 60 seconds—rain, shine, or snow!. I think about how amazing my mom was (and is). Your kids love you just the way you are!
- Think about the victories—both small and big! Celebrate brushing your teeth before lunch that day. Enjoying a hot cup of tea without having to rewarm it in the microwave. Celebrate that you met your breastfeeding goal. Focus on what you did, not what you didn’t do!
But most of all…
- Keep up all of the great work, Mama!
