Mom Guilt: My Inner Struggle

Mom. Guilt.

It is that sense that you should be something that you are not.

It is that voice in the back of your head that blames your parenting skills for every one of your kids’ shortcomings.

This month, our youngest one started crying regularly at school, refusing to follow her teachers’ rules, and I convinced myself it was MY fault. If only I didn’t look at my phone so much in those early days. If only I had said “No” more often and given more consistent consequences. Maybe I should have stayed home. Maybe I am selfish for having a job. It MUST be all my fault. I’m doing so much, but it is never enough.

That is mom guilt.

It is a foreboding sense that if you don’t do everything just right (by an ever-changing standard) you will screw up your kids in irreparable ways.

Often, as moms, we feel guilty because we *believe* we have violated a universal moral standard.

Where do we get these ideas of universal standards?

So often I look at the other women I admire and start to think in comparison: I am less than. I am not enough. Stephanie only buys organic food and her kids have never had sugar or food dyes. Tina has a very strict schedule. Her kids are always down for naps and always clean their very healthy plates. Stacy is so much fun. She is always making homemade games and crafts. Debbie doesn’t allow screen time. Tabitha’s kids began reading at the age of 4. What is wrong with me? I didn’t do those things? If only I were… more.

You are enough.

So often in these moments I don’t catch it. I don’t catch the negative self-talk or the sweeping generalizations. I don’t catch how someone else’s life can become a standard for mine. It is what I think others believe I should be doing. Every lifestyle has its trade-offs. But I am at peace with mine- until I let that voice in my head put false guilt there.

So to you mamas struggling under the weight of failing your own expectations: Remember today that you are enough.  I am enough. I am just the mom my kids need. It is OK to ask for help. It is OK to not get it right the first time. You and I don’t control everything in the universe. We just need to do the next right thing and trust that it is enough.

How do you overcome mom guilt when it rears its ugly head? We’d love to know.

jenniferboll
Jenny is a fifth generation Nebraskan. She is a true city girl and has lived in Omaha for 15 years of her life! She loves meeting new people and having real conversations. In her day job, she leads a Christian ministry -where she helps college students develop a meaningful relationship with Jesus. She has been married for over a decade and her husband and her have two amazing girls. In her free time, you will find Jenny navigating the new world of being a school mom, exploring area parks and trying to show up for people in a non-judgmental way (there may also be some reality tv involved).

1 COMMENT

  1. I used to find the often-quoted passage from Lamentations 3:22-23 (“His mercies are new every morning”) to be…cheesy. The sort of thing your aunt will post as a meme with a background of a raindrop on the edge of a flower petal, maybe with the old chain-letter guilt-trip “97% of people won’t pass this on…”

    But as a mom, I lean on it (minus the raindrops). Because no matter how bad today was (literally today. I texted a friend “Do you ever have those days where you just don’t like children?”), we get to get up the next morning, and be our kids’ mom again. We get another chance, and another, and another. It is a morning mercy.

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