Let’s talk about sex baby, let’s talk about you and me. Let’s talk about all the good things and the bad things that may be. (If you are my generation, you are humming the tune in your head now….you’re welcome)
I think sex is very important in a relationship. I think staying attracted to your partner is also very important. However, this is a two-way street ladies.
My husband and I have been married for 13 years and with 3 young kids; it can be hard to find time for sex. That’s why my husband and I try to use these three rules to keep things going in the bedroom.
1. We each have to initiate 1x a week.
This does two things for you. This is a minimum of at least 2x a week which is a start. It also makes you feel wanted; it is the other person asking for it. Let’s face it, we are women and we are driven by our feelings. We get inside our own heads. “He doesn’t think I am attractive” “I am getting so old” “I cannot lose this baby weight” “If he doesn’t want to have sex then he does not love me” “We are drifting apart” When we are having sex then I feel close to him, we connect, we share a moment. Sometimes these negative feelings will prevent you from making your move, but not when you’ve got a deal to uphold. We started this rule and I swear it has helped us maintain a healthy sex life even in the midst of chaos.
2. We talk about it.
Sometimes, I’m too tired tonight, and that is fine. I tell him I am just exhausted but that tomorrow it is on. I keep my word. Sometimes I will think about it all day so that even if I’m exhausted, mentally I’m excited to get home. We talk about our sex life. Too boring lately? Let’s spice it up. What do you like right now? What turns you on lately? What am I not doing right, and what is he not doing right? TALK about it. Yes we’ve been married a long time, so we can always play the hits, but our minds and bodies evolve as we get older and so do our tastes when it comes to sex. Men cannot read our minds and if you expect him to know what you want, forget it ladies. TELL HIM what you want. You will be a happier woman for it and he will be glad he doesn’t have to second guess his moves. He is confident, you are confident. Win, win.
3. We fit it in where we can.
This one I call the power of the quickie. When you are younger and have all the time in the world, sex is easy to have. You have space, time, you get to sleep in, stay up late, go on dates. You can take your time, have tons of foreplay, and just really enjoy the moment. Now, I can barely go to the bathroom alone these days, much less make time for a marathon session with the Hubs.
So what do we do? We swear by the quickie. 6:30 am after my Pure Barre class we know the kids will not be awake for at least 30 minutes; I jump my sweaty self on him. Kids are in bed brushing their teeth and reading a book by themselves, sexy time. Kids gone to bed and you need a shower, text your man and ask him to join you for a rain dance (one of my faves). We’re not talking about the works here ladies, just get it in (pun intended).
To all my moms out there who are struggling with finding time for sex, try these three golden rules. They continue to serve me well.
And remember, what works for someone else may not work for you. What do you need? Talk to your man and make your own three golden rules. TALK about sex; that is where it should start.