Sometimes I cry myself to sleep. Instead of rolling around in the sheets with my husband, he is rolled over fast asleep, while I’m left wanting more. There’s a lot of resentment, sadness, and shame when you’re a woman who wants to have sex more than your husband.
Studies tell us that men think about sex all day long. They have higher sex drives and want sex all the time. When I talk to my girlfriends, they will mention how they’re so tired of their husbands wanting to have sex all the time. I go really quiet in those conversations because I long for my husband to desire me that much. I joke that my love language is all of them, but really physical touch and quality time are way up there for me. For once, I’d like to tell my husband I’m too #sexhausted to be intimate; however, I am yearning for more intimate moments.
We used to not be able to keep our hands off each other. At the end of the day, the early morning hours, or the best sexy time (afternoon), we were hot and heavy for each other. Then came longer work hours, babies, and two tired parents. Saturday mornings quickly became routine: “There’s no time to foreplay. A kid is going to walk in here. Let’s knock this out.”
I’m a feelings girl. It is really, really hard to not take it personally when I want to have sex and my husband doesn’t want to. I want to feel desired. I want to see his face light up when he sees me and think, “Dang girl, I have to have you now.”
You know what’s worse than wanting to have sex and not getting to? Initiating sex or seducing your husband and being shut down. Or things just turn awkward. Rejected. Those are the moments I find myself wiping tears off my face.
This will take time to process and work through. What am I doing to help?
- Try not to take it too personally.
- Tell him, but not obsess or make it an argument.
- Accept intimacy in other forms, like writing notes and letters to each other.
- Switch things up and not focus on sex only.
My husband loves me. We have an amazing marriage. And I just want to experience more frequent sex with him. These feelings are hard to express because they’re often the minority among women, but they’re valid feelings. Maybe there are more of us out there than we realize.