I have four boys, and each of the older three is involved in a sport at least once during the year. After almost a decade of having kids in sports, I’ve learned a few things along the way. What we do as parents can really help them have a successful sports season, and teach them valuable life lessons.
Don’t push your kid into a sport they don’t want to play.
I learned this one the hard way. If your son or daughter doesn’t want to play a certain sport, don’t force them to do it. My oldest son developed a huge aversion to baseball after playing for 5 years. My husband and I wanted him to play so badly and we pushed him to do that final year. Every practice and game was a struggle. Don’t try to live vicariously through your child by forcing them into a sport they don’t enjoy. Instead, help them find out what they do love, and help them foster that passion.
It’s ok if they’re not on a select team.
In this season of life for late elementary and early middle school in many of our communities, it’s all about who is on the select team. For our family, recreational baseball is just fine, and our kids enjoy it just as much. The same goes for other sports. It’s okay to foster their love of the game without the added pressure and time commitment of a select team. If your kids make the select team, that’s great too! For some, that’s a huge goal. I’m just making the point that they shouldn’t be discouraged from playing at all if they don’t make the team. It’s ok to play for fun.
Hold them accountable for practices.
Of course, there will be a time or two that you have a family conflict with a game or practice. Don’t make it a habit, though. Try to plan other activities around their practices as much as possible. I’ve learned as my kids have gotten older and started playing middle school and high school sports, that practices are not optional. Rules for practices get stricter as they get older, and the level of commitment gets higher. Missed practices mean they don’t get to compete. By teaching them to be committed, you’re building their character along the way and helping them be accountable for their activities and setting them up for a successful sports season.
If they commit, they finish the season.
If my kids decide to do a sport, they don’t get to quit part way through the season. Now that we give them the liberty of deciding what they want to do (and not forcing them to play a sport they hate!), they make the decision to stick it out no matter what.
Their best friend is on another team and they don’t have friends on the team? Nope. Not a reason to quit. It’s a great opportunity to meet new friends.
They’re mad at the coach about unfair position assignments? I found this as an opportunity to encourage my son to talk to the coach about the position he would like to play, and what they needed to work on to do that. The coach wasn’t receptive, but my son learned a lesson that we don’t always get what we want and appreciated the opportunities he had the next year on a different team.
I think this approach helps our kids understand the big picture beyond the season.
Be flexible with mealtimes.
Our family is adamant about coming together as a family for dinner each night. It’s the only time we have to connect with each other at the end of the day. However, we’ve found with sports seasons, sometimes it’s just impossible. There will be fast food meals, concession stand dinners and snacks, and brown bagged lunches. Many of these will be at less than ideal times (we’ve had dinner as early as 4:30 p.m. and as late as 10 p.m.). Try to plan ahead as much as you can, and just accept that you have to be flexible with your expectations.
Jump in and coach.
My husband has coached flag football, baseball, and soccer over the years. Our kids hold really special memories from those seasons especially and loved having their dad coach them and their friends. Some days it was hard for me—juggling the supervision of younger siblings made it hard to actually enjoy spectating. That concern aside, it was such a positive experience for our older kids (and husband!) to have that level of involvement.
Plus, it gave us a huge appreciation for all the coaches that have invested so much into our own kids over the years. Many parents don’t realize how much time and energy goes into developing the skills of kids!
Help your older kids set aggressive goals for themselves.
It’s hard for us as adults to set aggressive goals for ourselves. What if I don’t meet my goals? That’s so disappointing. Then again, if I didn’t set a goal to finish an Ironman race, I never would have done it. I wouldn’t have even tried! You have to set big goals in order to reach them. On the same note, I’ve found it really hard to encourage my kids to set appropriate, aggressive goals for themselves. What if they don’t win a race? What if my kid doesn’t get to play catcher? What if my high schooler doesn’t make the varsity team? How will they deal with the disappointment?
You see, if you don’t help them set that bar for themselves, they might reach an “attainable” goal early in the season and think they’re done. My high schooler set a specific goal to wrestle on varsity. Some kids set a goal to win a certain number of matches, win a letter or medal. When he didn’t make it to varsity, he kept going. He worked hard, practiced diligently, won a lot of JV matches, lost some, and kept challenging his teammate for the spot in his weight class.
While he didn’t earn that varsity spot this season, the entire JV team had opportunities to wrestle in a few varsity-level meets. During those meets, he pinned some tough opponents and came home with medals. It was huge for him, but he didn’t stop there. At the end of the season, while he didn’t wrestle varsity per se, he earned a letter. He kept that driving goal of making varsity through the end of the season and ended up reaching a goal that he didn’t think he had a chance of reaching without first making the varsity team. Even after earning his letter, he’s not “done.” He still has the goal of making varsity and knows how hard he needs to work to get there–and he already has goals beyond that to keep him going. It doesn’t stop at the end of the season.