Living Divorced

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I’ve just spent more hours than I care to admit researching, installing, and troubleshooting the “best” parental app for my youngest son’s phone. The app that worked on the two older teens’ phones didn’t work on my youngest son’s phone. Isn’t that always the way? I am not tech savvy, so a task like this leaves me feeling inadequate and frustrated.

The easiest thing to do is to chuck them all out the window. The phones, not the teens, just so we’re clear! Ha! Although sometimes…

divorceDays Like These

On days like this when I am floundering, I’m confronted with the realization that being a divorced mom is tough. I thought getting divorced was rough and it was. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. Living divorced, while it has gotten better over the last couple of years, contains the ripple effects that never seem to end.

Most days I don’t think about the fact that I am divorced. I refuse to let it define me: it’s a part of who I am, but it’s not all I am. Not even close. But on days like today when even one task consumes my attention far longer than it should and makes me grumpy, my kids and I feel the effects.

My Support

I have a great support system of family members. Not quite sure what I’d do without them. They fill in many gaps and help in ways I couldn’t begin to enumerate. Recently, I’ve even been able to reach out to the kids’ father on occasion. But with him out of state and with many struggles of his own, it’s difficult to look to him for help.

The Difficulty

What makes it the most difficult is when he sought divorce, suddenly we had inexplicably significant diverging paths and world views on almost every important parenting decision (including phones). Those diverging paths remain. What was difficult to face as a couple now seems insurmountable when we agree on almost nothing.

This is my experience. I never thought of myself as incapable before the divorce though, admittedly, a bit insecure at times. My divorce left my confidence in tatters. It’s been six long years and I am still cobbling the shreds together. So when it comes time for big decisions and tasks that aren’t in my wheelhouse, I tend to fall apart a little. I tend to think lots of thoughts that begin with,

If only we hadn’t divorced…If only I had a husband now…If only I could talk to the kids’ dad like I used to…

You know what that gets me? Discontentment. Grumpiness. Frustration. And more insecurity. It profits me nothing.

Coping

But still, I must cope. I must trust that my kids will one day realize that I’ve done the best I could. I should trust my faith that lead me through the divorce process will remain solid and continue to guide me. And I need to trust that I can make good decisions that benefit my three hilarious, fun-loving, and faithful teens. I must believe that I will only get stronger as each situation arises. And I must trust that when I stumble, that grace will be given in abundant measure.

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Jenny is a Northeast Ohio native who relocated to Council Bluffs in 2012. She is a single mom homeschooling her three teenaged children, Austin, Elliana and Jonathan. Her background is in Secondary English Education and Theatre. While homeschooling takes up a majority of her time, you may find her buried in a book, crocheting, working her home based business (www.shopmyplexus.com/jenrosen) or eagerly writing YA and children's books. You can also learn more about her wonderfully ​quirky little family and her thoughts on her ever deepening faith through her blog, notes of jubilee (www.notesofjubilee.com) where she shares the joys of everyday life as a mother and various product reviews.